Da Business

NFL week 4 starts a string of 4 consecutive weeks of International Games on the schedule. Be cognizant of NFL kick-off times for the International Games week 4 through week 7. No line up deadlines. Waiver wire runs on Thursdays, 5 pm PT/8 pm ET. Each team is permitted a maximum of two adds. Must include a drop for each add. No drops. No adds. Each player added is 5 bucks. No scraps. Waiver wire order is reverse order of points standing. Twelve through one round 1. Twelve through one round two. Weekly trade deadline is Fridays 9pm PT/midnight ET. Entry fee is 100 U.S. Dollars. You can Venmo me @Harold-Wenz. Look for the bearded guy wearing a Maybe Next Year t-shirt. Also, I accept PayPal and Zelle. And also, an old-fashioned check in the mail always works.

Trash or Treasure

I left off a trash turned treasure last week. How about Daniel Jones? The guy was left for dead by the NY Giants. Lost his starting job to a guy that was making pizzas at Giovanni’s on Long Island. The Vikings didn’t want him even after they got rid of Darnold, and now he’s the next coming of Peyton Manning in Indianapolis. You can’t make this shit up. He has QBR of 85.7 after 3 weeks which is currently the best in the league. Did we talk about Yack Prescott last week? Still making Dallas fans puke all over the planet – “yack”. I would add a couple more rotting corpses to the heap of trash, but I promised rainbows and unicorns. And unlike the other Commish, which shall remain nameless, I’m a man of my word. Can’t really put Ashton Jeanty in the “trash” category just yet being a rookie and all, but his performance to date can be considered “Boise to Men”.

Riddle Me This Batman

Somebody please help out the Commish. In week one, the NFL announced that they “banned” a Buffalo Bills fan for “life” not just from Highmark Stadium, but from EVERY NFL stadium for slapping DeAndre Hopkins and Lamar Jackson in the helmet after a TD. Call me stupid, but how exactly are they going to enforce this? Are they blocking his credit/debit card account so he can’t purchase tickets? Can’t he have his neighbor, or a buddy buy him a ticket to the game, and then show up with one of those Groucho Marx glasses with the big nose and mustache? Is the NFL going to micro-chip the guy, so he sets off an alarm when he walks through the gates? I mean it gets pretty cold in Buffalo in the winter, can’t he just wear a balaclava and walk right through the gates? Is every NFL stadium going to print his picture on the beer cups, like they do on milk cartons? I’m not trying to be facetious here; I’m seriously asking a question that has had me in bewilderment for weeks on end. Day Spa? Anybody? Buehler? Does anybody have any semblance of a theory how this is going to work?

Around the NFL – Week 3

Lamar Jackson had been 24-4 vs NFC opponents entering Monday Night. Aaron Rodgers was winless in Gillette Stadium prior to Sunday. Which reminds me, Mike Tomlin 7 wins away from 19 consecutive winning seasons. If the NFL had symbols for calendar years, sort of like the Chinese calendar (Monkey, Dragon, Snake), this year would be the year of the vagina. I’m certain there is an over/under bet this week for vagina/fallopian tube, I’ll do my best to keep it interesting. We’re at one. Trump is one hundred percent right about the NFL. It’s soft and everyone is a bunch of pansies. I think the term he used was “sissy” football? We all know he meant “pussy or vagina” football. That’s two. Since 1990 teams that started the season 0-3 have a 2.4% chance of making the playoffs. But only one NFL team has made the playoffs after an 0-3 start in the last quarter century. Conversely, teams that started 3-0 since 1990 made the playoffs at a clip of 75%. The Bucs are one of those 3-0 teams, which are 3-0 for the first time in 20 years. The Chargers 3-0 for the first time in 23 years. I’m partial to the Chargers’ powder blues, but those Bucs white on white creamsicle uniforms were sick. And sure, I give the Pats a hard time, but those red tops with Pat the Patriot helmet are also pretty bomb. Did one of you guys give Johnny Morton a copy of the Moss Head Draft Recap? Hmm. I’m pretty sure one of you guys did and now he’s just trying to make me look silly. It works both ways Day Spa. It’s a mutual accord. It can’t be Rainbows and Unicorns for you only. It was special teams and defensive Sunday smorgasbord. The Vikings had a player with a pick-six, and a fumble recovery tuddy enroute to a 33-point team defense fantasy extravaganza. We’ll get to that later. Week 3 in the NFL saw 5 defensive TDs, 2 punt return TDs and 2 blocked FGs for TDs. Seven NFL games this week had a game winning score in the last 2 minutes and 30 seconds of regulation. Most since the AFL-NFL merger. Carson Wentz started for the Vikings this Sunday, which marked the sixth different team he has started at QB in the last six years. Talk about journeyman QB. First time in Super Bowl era a QB has started for six teams in six consecutive seasons. To revisit Daniel Jones and the Colts, they finally punted. After 20 consecutive drives, the Colts punted for the first time this season. An NFL record to start the season.

THFFL Week 3 Recap – Hope is the Beginning of the End

 Most people associate hope with a positive connotation. We throw around words like hope is an inspirational motivator. Hope can empower the soul and breeds confidence. Hope fuels resilience and fosters progress. Really? Tell that to the last Commish. He was full of hope and that killed the poor bastard. What hope is in reality, hope is simply the catalyst for eternal misery. Hope is the pathway for disappointment and perpetual suffering. Don’t let the teachings of the last Commish, which will remain nameless, infest your brain with lies and a false sense of reality. Where is the old Commish now? He lived a life of eternal sports misery preaching hope and some other “ridiculous mantra” which will never be written in these newsletters ever again. I am here, as the new Commish. The new prophet of the THFFL to guide you to the promised land. Hope is a baron wasteland, waiting for the naïve and unprepared to traverse its perilous landscape, as it rises up to swallow every last drop of confidence and devour your bones while spitting out despair. There is no hope in hope. The lunatic is on the grass. The lunatic is on the grass. Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs. Got to keep the loonies on the path. Put hope in the rearview mirror and maybe this year, the Mariners go to the World Series, the Chargers to the Super Bowl and the Moss Heads win the Hopeless Cup! The Greefer got disemboweled by the Points Against Leviathan in week 3. It started out looking promising with an Ollie Gordon TD on Thursday Night, and there was that flicker of hope, until Waddle and Kincaid extinguished the promise with tuddies of their own. No mercy for the Reefer on Sunday, as the Moss Head Commish continued the pounding with another 30-burger from Taylor and 40 combined from Tyrod and Herbert. Reefer refused to go down without a fight though as Mark Andrews made up 25 of the 34 points that the Reef needed on Monday Night, only to have Moss Head counter with Henry and Williams for the weekly high score of 172. Both teams now 1-2, but just a hunch that one of the 1-2 teams is not really a 1-2 team. You can decide amongst yourselves. The lunatics are in my hall. The paper holds their folded faces to the floor. And every day the paper boy brings more. The MoroXcan was hopeful for their first win of the 2025 THFFL season this weekend but ran into another impressive outing by Uncle Rico. This game was statistically over on Sunday with Rico holding a 112-103 lead and MoroXcan shooting blanks on Monday Night. The Monday Night Moop-show featuring the MoroXcan poop-show. Rico added another 31 from Montgomery for shits and giggles, while Morox loses yet another starter for the season. Morox drafting players from the faulty-vagina factory in 2025. That’s three. Rico improves to 2-1 in the competitive Indica Division while MoroXcan remains the only winless team in the THFFL. Transitioning from the winless to the undefeated, two teams left after week 3 without a loss: Toe Cheese and Danger Russ. A critical Indica Divisional match up with Russ the narrow victor over a dejected Number 9. The vagina taketh away and the vagina giveth (five) as Najee goes down for the year leaving the backfield wide open for Ovarian Hampton. Will this be a preview of things to come? Or a just a flash of the fallopian? Danger Russ, with a relatively quiet day from Bijan but N9 could not seize the opportunity as 7 starters only producing single digit scoring totals. Hope was bleak on Monday Night with N9 down 10 points with only Loop on the Monday docket, while Russ had the inconsistent but usually reliable Goff to seal the deal. The double stack Mariota Deebo, Geno Jakobi a little disappointing. Who knew it was the Geno Tre Tucker stack that was the winning combo this week? Not Number 9. Toe Cheese also at 3-0 as he sneaks by Day Spa 122-105. Day Spa held a 9-point lead into the Monday Nighter, but the chamber was empty, as all Day Spa could do was watch the inevitable unfold with Lamar Jackson needing only 10 points. That’s gotta be such an empty and hopeless feeling. The last Commish could commiserate with you Day Spa. I’m certain he had been there many, many times in his fantasy fandom. The horror. The horror. Big win for Dorito Toes, but big loss for Dorito Toes as he loses a prolific scorer in the process which is going to be nearly impossible to replace. Moving on to one of the most uneventful games of the week, Saquon boarding the win-train with a squeaker over TWT 111-107. This game was the anti-barn burner with only one starter reaching 20 points for both rosters, benches included, with Caleb Williams posting 27. A rare single digit performance from Barkley that should have comeback to bite Saquon in the ass on Sunday Night, as Mahomes only needed 19 points to secure a victory for TWT, but the vaunted Giants defense managed to hold Mahomes to 14 points and put the first W in the Saquon column. Both teams at 1-2. Finally, let’s wrap up the week with the first THFFL Sibling Rivalry Game of 2025 as the Astral Cowboys faced off against the Passing Scooby Doobies. An entertaining game in what hopefully will be the first of many in years to come. The inaugural Kennedy Bowl goes to the Astral Cowboys 147-112. A tough week for Scoobs having to replace blue-chipper Joe Burrow, but Scoobs hung in there with another solid 20 plus performance from Drake May and Chase McClaughlin putting up a 27-spot. However, Astral had a couple 20 pointers up his sleeve as well, with Jordan Mason making the best of his opportunities while Aaron Jones’ vagina is on the mend, putting up a solid 26. Scoobs had a chip and a chair on Monday Night needing Amon-Ra and Bates to make up a 27-point difference, but David Montgomery put a quick halt to any comeback hopes with that second tuddy as time was running down in the 4^th quarter. Both teams are in good shape at 2-1 on the season. I laughed and shook his hand. And made my way back home. I searched for form and land, for years and years I roamed. I gazed a gazeless stare, at all the millions here. I must have died alone, a long, long time ago.

Just Another Lizard For Peace