Da Business

Bye weeks begin week 5 and will run through week 14. Plan accordingly. Three more weeks of International Games on the schedule. Be cognizant of NFL kick-off times for the International Games week 5 through week 7. No line up deadlines. Waiver wire runs on Thursdays, 5 pm PT/8 pm ET. Each team is permitted a maximum of two adds. Must include a drop for each add. No drops. No adds. Each player added is 5 bucks. No scraps. Waiver wire order is reverse order of points standing. Twelve through one round 1. Twelve through one round two. Weekly trade deadline is Fridays 9pm PT/midnight ET. Entry fee is 100 U.S. Dollars. You can Venmo me @Harold-Wenz. Look for the bearded guy wearing a Maybe Next Year t-shirt. Also, I accept PayPal and Zelle. And also, an old-fashioned check in the mail always works.

For The Record

Satire - the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

Literary Paradox - a statement, situation or theme that appears contradictory or illogical but, upon closer examination, reveals a deeper or hidden truth or meaning. It's a literary device that creates a self-contradictory idea that invites the reader to pause, think deeply, and discover the underlying reality it describes.

Irony - the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.

Literary Sarcasm - the use of verbal irony to mock, ridicule, or express contempt, and is distinguished from everyday sarcasm by a more deliberate and artful intent. Unlike the spontaneous, off-the-cuff remarks common in conversation, literary sarcasm is a written technique used by authors for character development, humor, and social critique.

Metaphor - a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.

Prohibited

Going forward all references to female genitalia, including any portion of the female reproductive system is herein, banned from the THFFL in all correspondences, expressive formats, regardless of intent and meaning. This includes league message boards, private chats, and all formal and informal communications. Any league member that is found in direct violation of this doctrine will be subject to league disciplinary actions, up to and including, monetary fines, suspension and removal from the league indefinitely. Indefinitely? When your testicles are slapping his or her ass, you’re in…..definitely!

Trash or Treasure

The use of the term “trash” in this segment is intended as a metaphor for something that is generally bad or not very good and thus can be discarded or disposed. In no way is “trash” intended to be demeaning to any sanitary engineers and/or waste management employees. Geno Smith? The Vegas fans have nicknamed Geno Smith, the “preacher” because every Sunday he has 65,000 people continuously shouting, “Jesus Christ!” In fantasy football there’s garbage time, which is a good thing, and then there’s just garbage, which is a bad thing. Tom Brady time? I think it’s safe to say that Nick Chubb has entered the realm of trash. It looks like Woody Marks may be taking over the reins in Houston. I don’t blame them. Who wouldn’t rather have a full-time Woody than a part-time Chubb? Gotta throw in one treasure among the decomposing sewage. A true treasure Bo Nix. We were all playing checkers. Day Spa playing chess. Wicked smart.

Commish Confession

I went to my therapist last week to discuss my inappropriate and obsessive negative references to female genitalia, and the diagnosis was that I am subconsciously angry at my mother. Turns out that she excessively dosed herself with acetaminophen during her pregnancy and I am on the spectrum. That last statement was political satire. In no way was that intended to belittle or trivialize autism, or offend anybody with autism, or anybody that has family members and/or friends impacted with autism or fragile x-syndrome or ADHD or Prader-Willi syndrome or schizophrenia, learning disabilities or Asperger’s. I actually have a nephew with Asperger’s, and I never knew what it was until I looked it up. I always thought Asperger’s was what happens when you eat too many Mc Donald’s Big Macs. Back in the day, when I was putting down 4 or 5 Big Mac’s a day my wife would say, man you better slow down, or you’re gonna get “ass-burger”.

Around the NFL – Week 4

Patty Mahomes youngest QB to reach 250 passing TDs. Spencer Rattler 0-10 in his first 10 NFL starts. Jaxson Dart 1-0 in NFL starts. Chargers still chargering. That’s just the way it is. Some things will never change. That’s just the way it is. Which reminds me, Mike Tomlin 6 wins away from 19 consecutive winning seasons. Since 1990 teams that started the season 1-3 have a 13.6% chance of making the playoffs. Since 1990 teams that started 0-4 have a 0.9% chance of making the playoffs. Actually, only one 0-4 team in the last 35 years has gone on to make the playoffs, the 1992 Chargers. Three teams currently left winless after week 4 (Jets, Saints, Titans). Only two teams left undefeated (Bills, Eagles). Bills now have 14 consecutive regular season wins at Highmark Stadium. Josh Allen ties Cam Newton for the most games, 45, with a rushing and passing TD in NFL history. Did everyone in the Pacific Northwest get up at 6 30 am to watch Carson Wentz vs Aaron Rodgers? To piggyback on Day Spa’s quote of the week, “Hammer the Vikings. An O’Connel in Ireland with a red-headed QB? That’s an advantage I want”.  Too bad JJ McCarthy wasn’t able to start. But come on, how can you bet against the Rooney’s in Ireland. Blasphemy. Hey Day Spa, did you hear about the Irish gay couple that got married at half-time of the Vikes-Steelers game? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick. Break up the Jags, 3-1 and tied with the Colts for the AFC South. Conversely, what’s going on with the Ravens? Looking like a poop-show in Baltimore. The term poop-show is a metaphor symbolizing the inadequacies and struggles of the Ravens franchise. It is in no way intended to insinuate that the Baltimore Ravens are watching pornographic cinema involving fecal matter. Nor was it intended to cast a negative connotation on any individuals suffering from fecal inadequacies such as incontinence or malabsorption. Nor is it intended to marginalize or cast aspersions to those that may be inflicted with diseases associated with the colon such as diverticulitis, polyps, inflammatory bowel syndrome, colitis, or Hirschsprung's disease. My brother actually was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's disease when he was an infant, and he had colostomy bag in order to be able to defecate his waste properly. To be clear, I’m in no way insinuating that any of the Baltimore Ravens are defecating in the locker room and/or have colostomy bags. When the last rose of summer pricks my finger. And the hot sun chills me to the bone. When I can't hear the song for the singer. And I can't tell my pillow from a stone

THFFL Week 4 Recap – Fearless

You say the hill's too steep to climb, chiding. You say you'd like to see me try, climbing. You pick the place and I'll choose the time. Believe it or not, week 4 marks roughly a third of the THFFL regular season. Technically, 13 weeks of head-to-head, so 31% of the way through and some teams are skating on thin ice, while others are coming back to life. And one team is pretty much just comfortably numb. A couple high rollers in week 4, sitting back having a cigar or possibly a blunt, with the high roller of the week the Passing Scooby Doobies continuing to make a mockery of the THFFL. Day Spa, I thought you said this league was hard? A stellar performance once again for the Scoobs, falling only 9 points short of 200 bills just lambasting the Reefers 191-97. Talk about being smoked. Yikes. A total beatdown by Scoobs with four 20-plus point performances, 9 starters with 15 or more points and only 3 single digit scorers. If this was a boxing match, the ref would have stopped the fight after the second round. Going into Monday Night the Scoobs were up 102 points and Reefer was in desperate need of a myriad bonus burgers from Tua and Olive Garden but instead had to settle for free unlimited breadsticks. Olive Garden is a literary “word play” on Ollie Gordon. It was not intended to insinuate that Reefer cannot afford to buy his own breadsticks. Nor is it meant to degrade or humiliate low-income families who cannot afford to dine at more expensive Italian restaurants. Blue-collar families are the heart of this country and without their hard work and resolve this country’s resilience and fortitude would suffer. My father was a blue-collar worker. He was a custodian at a local high school and got his boiler maintenance certificate and he loved the Olive Garden. Additionally, a far more obscure joke that I was making, was that the Passing Scooby Doobies and the Grim Reefer are both “literary puns” for smoking marijuana and a known side effect of smoking cannabis is an increase in appetite. THC, the psychoactive component in cannabis, triggers a part of the brain in the hypothalamus that regulates appetite by binding to cannabinoid receptors in the brain, particularly in the hypothalamus, which stimulates hunger signals and makes food taste more appealing. This effect, known as "the munchies," also involves heightened senses of smell and taste, and influences hunger hormones like ghrelin and leptin. Thus, unlimited free breadsticks at the Olive Garden, which was a literary play on words for one of the Grim Reefers starting RBs, seems like an appropriate satirical segway. Passing Doobies improves to 3-1. Grim Spleefer falls to 1-3. The second high roller of the week goes to Day Spa as he puts up an impressive 187 in a very competitive and entertaining game vs Uncle Rico. Eight double digit scoring starters for Day Spa with Bo Nix leading the way with a 34-burger on Monday Night. Of the 8 starters in double digits, 4 others with at least 20 points and TreVeyon Henderson with his first double digit performance of the year with a 10-spot. For those keeping score at home, TreVeyon currently surpassing the top 40^th fantasy RB ranking. Tough week for Rico to go up against the Day Spa points against machine as Rico’s 142 points were good enough to defeat 7 of 12 teams in week 4. Another good showing for Josh Allen with 29 and Puka balling out with 13 for 170 and a tuddy. Both teams sitting in a good spot at 2-2. High roller number 3 was Toe Cheese with a 170 as they take the Trash to the curb. This game was over on Sunday Night with Dorito Toes up 164-125 and TWT with no starters left in the Monday Double Header. Toe Cheese had Tyreek Hill, who unfortunately had a gruesome injury, which may likely end his season. Such a tragic injury to such an endearing young man. It is a shame that something so terrible should happen to such a remarkable human being. Dorito Toes joining Danger Russ as the only two undefeated teams left in 2025, but a tragic week for ONY with Hill, Jackson and Irving all going down with injury. This team is falling apart faster than a leper skydiver. That was a satirical juxtaposition, metaphorically likening Toe Cheese’s team losing many players to injury and likening it only symbolically to a person with Leprosy falling furiously from the sky. As Leprosy being a dermatological disease in which one of many symptoms can result in skin lesions, loosening of dermis and loss of eyebrows and eyelashes, you could imagine the force of friction from descending from an airplane while skydiving at great speeds may inadvertently cause a violent loss of dermatitis. This satirical juxtaposition in no way is intended to cast a negative connotation on Lepers and/or disgrace any individuals with Leprosy, or any other dermatological conditions such as Lupus, Scabies, Shingles, or Leishmaniasis, which is a disease caused by parasites of the Leishmania genus transmitted by sand fly bites. This disease was commonly contracted by soldiers serving in Desert Storm and symptoms vary by form but can include skin ulcers (cutaneous leishmaniasis) or severe internal organ damage, particularly to the spleen, liver, and bone marrow, which can be life-threatening (visceral leishmaniasis or kala-azar). Interestingly, TWT had 3 players with a trifecta of 25s in Purdy, Mahomes and CMC. However, not enough to defeat Dorito Toes and TWT falls to a disappointing 1-3. As mentioned, Danger Russ remains as the only other undefeated team after week 4 with a 150-104 victory over Saquon. Bijan leading the way with 180 scrimmage yards and a tuddy enroute to a 26-point day. It wouldn’t be fair to not call out the 47 burger from Jeanty on the bench, but fortunately Russ had more than enough juice to get passed Saquon who struggled to reach 120 total points for the 3^rd week in a row. Hopefully, some better performances on the horizon for Saquon in the next 3^rd of the season. And don’t look now but the Astral Cowboys joining the elite 3-1 teams with a 136-99 win over a dejected MoroXcan’t. Jordon Love leading the way for Astral with 30 points which matched the 30 points from MoroXcan’t Prescott. In the end it was the triple donuts for MoroXcan’t that spelled dooom. That is a play on words and not a typo. Three “donuts” symbolizing the three “o’s” in the word “dooom”. Doom obviously spelled with only two “o’s” but in this case to emphasize the three “zeroes” I took literary liberties to accentuate the paradigm. And I'll climb the hill in my own way. Just wait a while for the right day. And as I rise above the tree line and the clouds. I look down, hear the sound of the things you said today.

Just Another Lizard For Peace