Da Business

No line up deadlines this year. Unprecedented. First rule change in 30 years. Get rid of the old Commish and its anarchy! What’s next? Dogs and cats living together? Mass hysteria? The first waiver wire runs this Thursday, 5 pm PT/8 pm ET. Each team is permitted a maximum of two adds. Must include a drop for each add. No drops. No adds. Each player added is 5 bucks. If you don’t know about how the waiver wire works, you better ask somebody. No scraps! If you don’t get any players in the waiver wire. Sucks to be you. Maybe next week. Waiver wire order is reverse order of points standing. Twelve through one round 1. Twelve through one round two. Entry fee is 100 U.S. Dollars. You can Venmo me @Harold-Wenz. Look for the bearded guy wearing a Maybe Next Year t-shirt. Also, I accept PayPal and Zelle. And also, an old-fashioned check in the mail always works.

Nailed it or Commish was just high segment

The Moss Head Commish is all about accountability. The old Commish would spew incoherent jibber jabber, throw out baseless prognostications, and never hold himself accountable for ridiculous errors in judgement. Not this Commish. No way. No how. That’s why we are going to start out with, where the Commish nailed it and where the Commish was talking out his ass. Granted its only week 1, but week 1 is always a good indicator of things to come. Right? Early round bust? Nailed it. Amon-Ra, 4 for 45, no tuddies. I told you guys, no Ben Johnson, no offense. Remember the Johnny Morton jingle? Goff was sacked 4 times. Only going to get worse from here on out. Do your homework. Comeback player? Commish was high. This Miami offense can’t score in a 20-dollar whore house with a pocket full of 100s. The only comeback Jaylen is going to be doing is Waddling back from the South Beach nightclubs every Sunday Night, cuz that’s the only place this offense is gonna find any action this year. Breakout? Verdict is still out on this one, but 4 for 108 is borderline nailing it. And Kittle is now out. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say I nailed that one too. Cooper Kupp will be as useful this year as tits on a bull. Nailed it. How’s that first round Bo Nix pick? Nailed it. But James Cook looked pretty good. Commish was high. Jalen Hurts? Yep, high as a mother. Pick it. Pack it. Fire it up. Dak Prescott? Nailed it. Jerry Jones asked the IRS if he could write off Dak Prescott’s interceptions as an itemized tax deduction. Did you hear Dak Prescott’s audible on Thursday? Blue thirteen, blue thirteen, here we go, direct deposit, ready, hut. Maybe there was a reason the Commish didn’t take Ja’Marr Chase wit the reach around? Possibly he was high. But also, maybe Day Spa fell for the old banana in the tail pipe. Kenneth Walker a viable RB3? Uhm yeah. Smoke two joints before you smoke two joints. And then smoke two more. CMC? Headed into week 1 with a questionable injury designation already. Not even gonna go there. TreyVeon Henderson being a total reach in round 3? For those of you keeping score at home, 11 touches, 4 fantasy points. Unicorns and rainbows Day Spa. Unicorns and rainbows.

Around the NFL – Week 1

You gotta love the NFL schedule makers. Week 1 featuring the Raiders, with minority owner Tom Brady, and general manager John Spytek, that will never get old, travelling to New England to play the Patriots. Coincidence? Or better yet, Aaron Rodgers goes from the Jets to the Steelers, while Justin Fields goes from the Steelers to the Jets and the teams face off in week 1. Apparently, that was the first time in NFL history in which QBs faced off against each other in week 1 playing against teams that they started for the previous year. Very interesting. In both cases, the visiting team was victorious. Eleven teams featured new starting QBs to start the 2025 NFL season. The new starters went 4-7. One of those starters was Daniel Jones for the Colts, which scored on every offensive possession against the Dolphins. They were 7 for 7. Are you ready for this stat? No QB in the 21st century has ever led 7 scoring drives in 7 offensive possessions. If you want to fact-check, fact-check Scott Hanson. That was the Colts first week 1 win since Andrew Luck in 2013. Cam Ward had a chance to make history against the Broncos. Since 2000, there have only been 2 QBs drafted number one overall that won in week 1. Still only 2 QBs drafted number one overall have ever won in week 1 since 2000. Seven new head coaches debuted in week 1 with new teams. They were 2-5. The Pats debuted a new head coach and welcomed Josh McDaniels back as offensive coordinator. Man, that offense looked like the dynasty days of old! Pats fans must be super excited. Especially that rushing attack, averaging 2.5 yards per carry. Congratulations to Matt Stafford on becoming only the 10^th QB in NFL history to amass 60k passing yards. A testament not only to his skill, but also his longevity. Keep slinging it buddy. Here’s a week one betting tip for 2026. Jim Harbaugh is 6-0 in week 1 as an NFL head coach, 4-0 with the Niners and 2-0 with the Chargers. Contrastingly, Brian Daboll is the anti-Harbaugh as the NY Giants became the first NFL team since World War II to be held without an offensive TD in 3 consecutive season openers. The last team was the Detroit Lions from 1940-1942. What happened to the Seahawks homefield advantage? Since Covid and fans being allowed to return in person, the Hawks are 16-19 at home and 3-7 in their last 10 home games. It was a sea of red on Sunday. I’m pretty sure they were only selling Anchor Steam and Rice-a-Roni at the stadium, and you had to take a trolly to the game.

THFFL Week 1 Recap – The more things change, the more they stay the same

 As they say in the business, let’s not bury the lead. What’s the lead story? The THFFL rookies both get victories in week 1 over two THFFL veterans. The most impressive victory and the week one game of the week, Uncle Rico mounts the comeback of the week to spoil the Moss Head Commish’s debut. Out with karma, but the result remains the same. The more things change, the more they stay the same. California sunlight. Sweet Calcutta rain. Honolulu starbright. The song remains the same. Harbaugh letting Herbert cook on Friday night as he goes off for 30 points and the Commish was looking good heading into Sunday night with King Henry on his way to a 40-burger, but then Uncle Rico took over and Josh Allen just exploded for 37 and Zay “I won’t forget to put roses on your grave” Flowers busts out for 23 to bring Rico within striking distance on Monday Night. Rico only needed 6 points from Swift and Santos to seal the deal, and of course the Commish’s fate fell in the hands of the Chicago Bears. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Say it to me, Santos. And try to make it rhyme. Say it to me, Santos. In normal moving time. Say it to me, Santos. It's off to work, we go. Say it to me, Santos. Hi ho hi ho hi ho. An impressive 146-139 victory by Rico, posting the week one, 2^nd highest point total. The Passing Scooby Doobies, not as impressive as Uncle Rico, but pulled out the week one win nevertheless against a feeble Day Spa squad that failed to reach 90 points. Bittersweet for the Day Spa watching Drake May put up 18 points, which surpassed both of his QBs combined. Scooby was prime for the plucking with Joe Burrow putting up a rare 8-point dud, that conversely fed into the Ja’Marr Chase 2-point dud. Both teams were shooting duds all around. What was this game sponsored by Vasectomy’s R Us? 105 was more than enough to fuel the Mystery Machine across the finish line. Those 18 Etienne points might have come in handy. Subtract 4, add 14, equals 103. Nope. Still would have lost. Game of the week honorable mention, Number 9 vs Saquon. This game was over on Sunday night for all intents and purposes with N9 dominating Saquon in all facets 149-67. But Saquon had the double-stack combo going on Monday Night, and you can never count out the double-stack. "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a Saquon seed bun" – squared. Almost a miraculous comeback by Saquon as both McCarthy and Williams with the bonus rushing tuddies on their way to a combined 51-burger. The only thing that stopped the Saquon comeback was running out of time. If the Monday Night game goes into OT, N9 would be bitching about points against Tuesday morning. N9 had a 40-burger stack of his own with Daniels and Deebo, the D squared stack, and a triple 20 with Hubbard for the week one high score of 149. The Saquon effort, although irrelevant in the end, shouldn’t go overlooked as he made up an 82-point deficit, falling short by 15 points. Staying in the undefeated Indica Division, Danger Russ and Toe Choose rounded out the victories to keep the Indica perfect in week 1. Russ just needed one Reichert FG on Monday Night to edge the Astral Cowboys 125-116. Bijan leading the way for Russ with 27 and Astral getting a sneaky 17 from Javante in the season opener on Thursday. Check out the big brain on Astral. You're a smart motherfucker. That's right. The metric system. This game featured two teams that each lost one of their kickers and had to go with the double-defense. Now that’s karma-esque pretty coincidental don’t you think? Toe Cheese went into Monday Night with a 133-104 lead over MoroXcan, and MoroXcan needing a 30-burger from Aaron Jones. A bonus receiving tuddy made things interesting, for a bit, but Jordan Mason ate too much into Jones’s carries and ultimately there were not enough touches to complete the comeback. Mason with double the carries. Changing of the guard in Minnesota? Jones may be getting a little long in the tooth. And now Kittle slated to be out several weeks. You still got that coupon for the Army/Navy surplus store MoroXcan? It’s never too early to get that parachute ready. And lastly, in a barnburner, or probably more appropriate blunt-burner, Grim Spleefer squeaks by TWT 117-115 as they hang on by the width of an EZ Wider as TWT’s Loveland gets no “love” from his former college QB. The over under for CMC rushing yards closed at 69.5. How the mighty have fallen. How close was Vegas? If you took the under with the hook, I’ll see you at Sizzler. Still don't know what I was waiting for. And my time was running wild, a million dead-end streets. And every time I thought I'd got it made, it seemed the taste was not so sweet.

Just Another Lizard For Peace