This week we highlight The Peyote Passers, a small fantasy football league based in Houston, Texas that recently and unwittingly admitted a new team owner using the pseudonym Cordell Walker, rounding out a 12-team league after a founding-member team owner had mysteriously vanished with no trace.  After several irregularities were noted throughout pre-season activity and the league's online draft, an investigation was launched.  Though not confirmed, team owners are suspecting "Cordell Walker" is not simply a Chuck Norris doppelganger but may actually be none other than Chuck Norris himself.  Assuming there had to be something in the league's bylaws that would facilitate the removal of this new team owner, the league's commissioner spent minutes upon minutes poring over the bylaws, but to no avail.  Ultimately the league reached out to the Texas Attorney General's office asking for their assistance, but due to an 18-month backlog the league has no choice at this time but to move forward until their case can be heard.  While they have yet to admit that they just need to in advance award Chuck Norris their championship longhorn skeleton trophy and prize money for the next fifty years, they have had several meetings to at least identify what they're up against.  It's a bit scary what they are facing here, take a look because I'm doubting a 1 QB, 2 QB, Superflex scenario is going to do much good.  Here's a short list of Chuck Norris' capabilities on the Fantasy Football playing field:

1.  Chuck Norris routinely scores 9 points for a touchdown run of less than 50 yards.

2.  Chuck Norris' opposing team's players will login to your account and bench themselves just prior to kickoff.

3.  Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick his scoring decimal point to the right 2 places with ease when necessary, which is never.  But he can do it.

4.  Chuck Norris can kick the football and his kicker through the uprights at 80 yards, good for 18 points.

5.  Even if you win, you lose as Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick your teeth out through your shitty little Acer laptop.

6.  Chuck Norris can set his starting lineup using a rotary telephone.

7.  Chuck Norris can spend $900 using a $300 salary cap.

8.  Chuck Norris can spend $46 on Ricky Pearsall with no regrets.

9.  Chuck Norris can go 14-0 with Doucher's team.

10.  Chuck Norris can veto a trade veto.

11.  Chuck Norris can beat you with Tiki Barber starting at all positions.

12.  Chuck Norris can put your entire team on IR just by clicking on Teams, Team Capsules, Team Name. 

13.  Chuck Norris' players play well on their bye weeks.

14.  Chuck Norris can beat you using only Iowa Hawkeye alumni.

15.  Chuck Norris places up to 7 players on IR regardless of Questionable or worse status and there's nothing you can do about it because he just roundhoused the commissioner's head clean off.

16.  Chuck Norris can beat you at fantasy football using a fantasy baseball lineup.

17.  Chuck Norris can throw a pigskin a quarter mile, and an actual pig several hundred feet.

18.  Chuck Norris can machine gun dribble 2 footballs simultaneously and dunk on a 17-foot rim, and is awarded 72 fantasy football points by doing so because for some reason it's in the scoring by-laws.

19.  Chuck Norris mistook the "Chain Gang" as an actual gang and roundhoused them all to death, hence electronic first-down measurements was born.

20.  Chuck Norris can stop a 4th down tush-push 100% of the time.