Now that I have some time on my hands, I decided to dedicate myself to my true calling…Breaking Balls!  As many of you know my fantasy football seasons have been train wrecks.  I know that Doll Face, the star of the Blair Witch Project, has put a hex on me.  That’s ok, she did what she had to do, and I’m currently looking for a healer to take the spell off but it made me determined to research a little better.  So, I did a little off-season analysis which I want to share with you…hit like if you agree…

I will avoid Tyreek Hill’s ass like the dime piece’s fat friend at the fucking club.  Until this man learns what the definition of safe sex is he will not be rostered on my fantasy team.  Tyreek Hill put up a more impressive stat line in the offseason when it comes to loads blown inside random women than he does when he plays on Sunday.  I need my wide receiver one to be focused on scoring touchdowns and winning the triple crown and not avoiding condoms and fucking his way though the entire Woman’s Football Alliance.

On second thought with the amount of child support this speed demon has his ass might be extra motivated for his contact incentives…but on second, second thought his QB has the intellect level of a third grader and is one sack away from starring in the Radio sequel.

Shit, I miss the vintage Tyreek when he was throwing up the peace sign dusting the Cowgirls secondary for TDs.  Now he’s flashing the peace sign to all his new kids with his 17-baby momma’s.  There isn’t enough cocaine in the City of Miami that I can snort to make me impaired enough to take him on my fantasy team…

I need fantasy football back like Kanye West needs a time machine to unsay all that nasty shit he did with his cousin “Lit’l Bro”.

See you guys soon…

ECG