Ladies and gentlemen of the Virtua Fantasy Football League, please lend me your ears. Today, I must deliver news that shakes our league to its very core. After a lengthy investigation, countless late-night reviews of suspicious transactions, and far too many hours of watching game film that didn’t matter, the truth has finally come to light.

It has been discovered that Brian Ayling’s two championship titles—yes, the trophies he so proudly flaunted—were won under false pretenses.

The league ethics committee uncovered disturbing evidence that Brian is a woman:

• First, Brian was seen consistently wearing turtlenecks. We thought it was just a fashion crime. Turns out, it was a cover-up the fact he has no Adam’s Apple.
• Second, our audit of Amazon purchases revealed a shocking order history: He has been ordering strap-on in leopard skin designs.
• DNA determined that Caitlin Jenner’s tits were Brian’s.

As we all know VFFL has a strict quota policy regarding estrogen in our league.  Her presence upset the natural order of things and her menstrual cycle was a distraction and attracted bears.

And so, by the power vested in me as Commissioner, effective immediately, Brian Ayling’s two championships are hereby revoked. His name shall be stricken from the record books, his banners removed from the rafters, and his trophies melted down and repurposed as golden dildoes.

Let this be a warning to all members: Virtua FFL takes its integrity seriously. Trannies will be cast out…

So, Brianna, we thank you for your service, but the history books will remember you not as a champion, but as a cautionary tale. Nobody gets over the Commish…