The hits keep coming from the Human Camel Toe himself.  Let’s set the scene: during the draft, Brian thought it was a genius idea to drop big money on two QBs. The problem? That left him with $9 for the entire season. Translation: on his knees all year giving head — and apparently, he couldn’t even wait until Week 2 to start.

Meanwhile, Kevin had a crisis. his kicker, Tyler Bass, was sidelined with what can only be described as a yeast infection (don’t ask). With no backup, Kevin went begging. Only two owners had extra kickers: Gerry and Linda Lovelace. Gerry, in his infinite wisdom — and fueled by his undying hatred for Kevin (stronger than Mecca hates Hanukkah) — refused. But Brian? Oh no, Brian had two kickers and thought, “Why not make two bucks?”

So, Brian traded away a kicker playing in a dome, against a trash defense, with a QB who’s had more concussions than a crash-test dummy. And of course, that kicker, Schrader, went nuclear and swung the week in Kevin’s favor.

What about Brian? He lost to Girlfriend by less than 1.5 points. If he had just played Schrader, he would have beaten Beth and scored a win against the league average — a double-win. But no, Brian valued $2 more than actual victories. Genius.

This isn’t the Brian we remember. He used to be sharp. The only explanation? Side effects from his Peyronie’s treatment must be warping his brain function. Honestly, Brian, just change your team’s name to “The Bidens” — because like Joe, you’ve clearly lost your fucking mind.

Folks, brace yourselves — a new fantasy football pandemic has struck our league. Kevin is pushing the radical idea to eliminate the kicker position entirely and replace it with a flex player.

What’s more frustrating for Kevin:

• Gerry treating his suggestion like a bag of rocks, or
• The Commish refusing to put it up for a vote.

Meanwhile, the rest of the league is staying silent, like celebrities on Diddy’s VIP list — pretending none of these matters while secretly judging everyone’s lineup choices.

Sound off, people! The faster we get a league consensus, the faster we can bury this debate and get back to the real pandemic — Brian making dickhead trades.

Let’s get to the games…

Coach came out with a nice double victory against Junior.  He really relied on the rookies with a great performance from his new boy Emeka Egbuka.  His loyalty to Daniels paid off and McCaffrey’s Achilles held up just enough for double digit points. 

Mike had a great performance from Lamar who faced a Buffalo defense that had less coverage than a Tyreek Hill condom.  Junior did manage a win against the average.

Maybe if Tom spent more time (and money) on quarterbacks instead of getting everyone’s backup runners he wouldn’t have practice squad signal callers.  I guess the silver lining (and I’m fucking stretching it) He found a starting runner with that kid from Washington.  Tom needs to bench that $35 mistake and get with the program.

The Big Dawg just had to roll out his auction players which was more than enough.  Hurts and Robinson was all that was advertised and just like that Rex is 2-0.  I should have peeked when you were bidding on Hurts…

The next time I see Girlfriend I’m going to give her a big hug and pay for her next nail appointment.  Just the way you beat Camel Toe was great (1.24 points).  Fucking awesome, I love it!

The way the Boss beat Gerry was like Usain Bolt running the 100-yard dash in the Special Olympics. Sweet Jesus, Josh Allen and Derrick Henry…Bob got every penny’s worth and of course it comes with the added bonus of beating Gerry.  I know Bob and Gerry love each other but I also know they love the fantasy football competition.  So, you better believe that The Boss was harder that Johnny Mo after inhaling 17 bars of Sidney Sweeney’s bathwater soap when those numbers started to role in.  Nice job on the draft Bob!

Remember last week when I was killing Paulie for relying on all those Jets?  Well…I may have been mistaken.  Justin Fields balled out and Wilson had a day receiving.  Even though Paulie caved in to peer pressure and sat Fields he was able to come out with a double win against Doll Face.  Herbert might be a find in the draft and instead of Walker maybe Williams is legitimate.

(Yes, I’m being nice to Mary Annis this year because I don’t want her to put a hex on me)

Your comments are welcomed but not always listened to…

ECG