Mad Dogs (6-3) vs.  Bolsheviks (3-6)

Mad Dogs are trailing early, but Goff, Henry, and DeVonta Smith have the firepower to flip the script. Bolsheviks are leaving A.J. Brown on the bench like it’s a protest movement.  Mad Dogs, if you lose to the Bolsheviks, you’re getting demoted to Mad Puppies. Bolsheviks, enjoy your lead while it lasts — Goff’s about to drop a Motor City hammer on your fragile regime.

Prediction: Mad Dogs rally late and win by 10.

Balls of Hate (4-5) vs. Team Blitz-Craig (7-2)

Mahomes and Amon-Ra are locked and loaded, but Blitz-Craig’s depth and coaching edge (Dan Campbell vs Andy Reid) could be the difference. This one’s going down to the wire.  Blitz-Craig, your team’s been winning like a Tesla on autopilot — but don’t sleep on Hate, they’ve got Mahomes and a grudge. Balls of Hate, if you lose this, change your name to “Balls of Mild Disappointment.”

Prediction: Mahomes vs Mariota? That’s not a fair fight — it’s a public execution. But Blitz-Craig survives a Mahomes scare and wins by 5.

Nigerian Yaks (4-5) vs. Shock Value (5-4)

Yaks are charging, but Shock Value’s got Barkley and Pittman ready to jolt the Yaks back to irrelevance.  However, Kyren Williams and Tetairoa McMillan could stampede late. This one’s a sleeper thriller.  Shock Value, don’t get cocky — one Barkley limp and you’re just static. If the Yaks lose, they are officially downgraded to Nigerian Goats.

Prediction: If the Yaks want to win, they’ll need McCarthy to play like he’s auditioning for the Heisman and not a backup role.  Shock Value holds on in a nail-biter — wins by 3.

HAIRBEAR (4-5) vs. Teddy Ruxpins (3-6)

HAIRBEAR’s already rolling while Ruxpins are still stuck in nap mode, fumbling with their cassette tapes. Herbert and Allen are too much unless Ruxpins unleash Kamara and Kelce from the bench.  HAIRBEAR, don’t get soft — finish the cuddly toy off. Ruxpins, you’re so washed you make Build-A-Bear look like a threat.

Prediction: HAIRBEAR mauls the plushies — wins by 20+.

nWo (2-7) vs. T**m H**s (3-6)

nWo finally remembered how to score points, and T**m H**s is still stuck in the intro. nWo, if you lose this, you’re getting kicked out of the faction. Tm Hs, start Lamb or start packing — this is fantasy football, not fantasy sabotage.

Prediction: Mac Jones should outplay Brissett, which is like winning a race on a tricycle.  nWo wins this pathetic matchup, big.

My Ball Zach Ertz (4-5) vs. Trash Pandas (7-2)

Trash Pandas are already rummaging through the win column, but they failed to understand how to start the TE they wanted to, and it might come back to bite them.  MY Ball Zach Ertz, if you don’t show up, your team name becomes “My Ball Got Snatched.”

Prediction: Trash Pandas cruise to a 15-point win.

LiQ-ourballs (4-5) vs. Turbo (4-5)

It’s a battle of the almost .500s. Josh Allen vs Lamar Jackson is a heavyweight duel, but LiQ-ourballs has the deeper bench and better WRs.  Turbo, if you stall out again, we’re changing your name to Prius.

Prediction: LiQ-ourballs wins by 8 thanks to his kicker.

nWo Wulfpack (5-4) vs. Hamburg Hooligans (7-2)

Hooligans are already feasting, and Wulfpack hasn’t even sniffed the buffet. Hurts and McCaffrey need to go nuclear to make this respectable.  Wulfpack, if you don’t wake up, you’re getting grilled like a bratwurst. Hooligans, save some points for the playoffs — you’re making the rest of the league look like JV.

Prediction: Who are we kidding, this game is already over.  Hooligans win by 25 and keep the grill sizzling.