Week 11 Preview

Mad Dogs (6-4) vs. Team Blitz-Craig (8-2)

Mad Dogs are licking their wounds after a heartbreaking Week 10 loss by 0.58 points. Now they face the Blitz-Craig buzzsaw, who just dropped 130 on Balls of Hate like it was a warm-up. Mad Dogs, if you want to be top dog, stop chasing your tail. Blitz-Craig, don’t get cocky — one Gibbs fumble and you’re just Craig and you might not have a QB in a couple weeks.

Prediction: Blitz-Craig wins by 12 and keeps the division on lockdown.

Balls of Hate (4-6) vs. Shock Value (5-5)

Mahomes is bound to score more than he did last week, and Amon-Ra is still sun god-ing. But Shock Value’s got Barkley and Addison ready to zap the Hate into irrelevance.  Balls of Hate, you’ve got the firepower — now stop shooting blanks and try to start guys who are actually playing. Shock Value, if you lose this, change your name to Static Cling.

Prediction: Balls of Hate squeak out a win by 4 and stay alive.

Nigerian Yaks (5-5) vs. Teddy Ruxpins (4-6)

Ruxpins came out swinging with Henderson and Waddle, while the Yaks are still grazing. If Kyren Williams doesn’t go off, this one’s over before the horns lock.  The Yaks are getting trampled by a teddy bear — that’s fantasy humiliation. Ruxpins, don’t blow it — you’ve got the lead, now hug it out with a win.

Prediction: Tough to blow a 31.37- point lead.  Ruxpins win by 18 and keep their wild card   hopes alive.

HAIRBEAR (4-6) vs. Bolsheviks (4-6)

HAIRBEAR is barely awake, but Bolsheviks haven’t even shown up. This is a battle of who wants to be mediocre less.  HAIRBEAR, time to growl — or you’re just a fuzzy footnote. Bolsheviks, if you lose this, rename your team “The Benchviks.”

Prediction: Bolsheviks win by 6 in a pillow fight.

nWo (2-8) vs. Trash Pandas (8-2)

nWo was off to a rare lead, but Trash Pandas are the comeback kings and have already overcome that deficit. Bo Nix and Achane are lurking, ready to turn this into another dumpster fire for nWo. Trash Pandas, don’t let the worst team in the league punk you.

Prediction: Trash Pandas win by 14 and keep the West spicy.

My Ball Zach Ertz (4-6) vs. Turbo (5-5)

Zach Ertz came out hot with Borregales, while Turbo’s stuck in neutral. MBZE’s K might outscore everyone on Turbo’s team this week, except for probably Jackson.  If Lamar doesn’t go nuclear, this one’s already over.  Zach Ertz, keep your foot on the gas — Turbo’s sputtering. Turbo, if you lose this, we’re calling you “Cruise Control.”

Prediction: Zach Ertz wins by 20 and makes a statement against a team that is starting Gabe Davis, on purpose.

LiQ-ourballs (4-6) vs. Hamburg Hooligans (8-2)

LiQ-ourballs, time to sober up and fight — or get steamrolled by the bratwurst brigade. Hooligans, don’t get too saucy — upsets taste bitter and your team is much less scary without Jonathan Taylor.

Prediction: Liq wins by 17 and stay alive for one more week.

nWo Wulfpack (5-5) vs. T**m H**s (4-6)

Hurts + McCaffrey are ready to feast. T**m H**s needs Lamb and Marks to go berserk or this one’s over.  Wulfpack, don’t let up — this is your playoff push. T**m H**s, if you lose this, you’re officially T**m Hopeless.

Prediction: Wulfpack wins by 10 and howls into playoff contention, and eliminates T**m H**s (if they aren’t already.  I didn’t go through all of the tie-break scenarios yet).