Pretty atypical, but all of our playoff spots are already set.  The only thing left to decide is who gets the bye in the North-South, Mad Dogs or Pain Train.  The Toilet Bowl field is wide open though.  The only team that is in for sure is Shock Value.  Everyone else has a chance to be eliminated.  Don’t forget that if there are multiple teams that end up tied, the tie break is points scored.  My scenarios below are only if a team is tied with one other team.

Mad Dogs (9-4) vs Balls of Hate (5-8)

Mad Dogs enter the ring with a snarl and a championship belt, ready to maul their way to a first-round bye. Balls of Hate? A flaming sphere of rage, desperate to avoid Toilet Bowl exile. It’s brute force vs blind fury — and only one leaves with dignity.

Mad Dogs: Division locked — now hunting a bye like it’s a toddler holding a cookie. But we know how good they are at hunting.  A bye is on the table if they win and Blitz-Craig loses.

Balls of Hate: Balls of Hate are fighting for their lives but playing like Balls of Mild Discomfort.  Win = likely in. Lose = sweating every scoreboard. They own the tiebreak over Yaks, but lose ties vs Shock & Teddy. Point-race chaos with HairBear lurking and would have the same division record.  Points scored will be the key and they are separated by 4 points.

Prediction: Hate isn’t enough. You must also score more than 62.  Mad Dogs’ RB duo slams the door — Balls of Hate spends Sunday refreshing GameCenter every 10 seconds.

Shock Value (6-7) vs Teddy Ruxpins (5-8)

A little bit anticlimactic.  Both teams are pretty much in since either Hairbear or the Yaks won’t get to 6 wins and Teddy has the tie break against everyone.  They would need to finish in a three-way tie at 5-8 and have the least points scored of the three to miss.

Prediction: You’d think a team with Saquon Barkley would be terrifying.  Shock Value instead brings the energy of a half-charged grocery store electric scooter.  Shock Value crackles with electricity, but it is likely just static cling.  Teddy Ruxpins is no cuddly toy — he’s a brass-knuckled bear with Kelce in his corner. Shock Value is the one getting stuffed this week.

nWo (5-8) vs My Ball Zach Ertz (7-6)

MBZE: Division already clinched — playoff seeding tune-up.

nWo: Can win a multi-team tiebreak scenario… but loses ties to Turbo and T**m H**s. Margin matters.

Prediction: nWo - too sweet… except for the part where they lose a lot. MBZE coasts… and nWo ends up being eliminated from the Toilet Bowl after finishing tied with H**s.

Turbo (6-7) vs Hamburg Hooligans (10-3)

Turbo: Win or tie and they are in the Toilet Bowl.  If they lose, they would only be eliminated if Liq, nWo and T**m H**s all win (unlikely) and they all have more points than Turbo (likely).

Hooligans: Top seed clinched — and their bench is capable of beating half the league.

Prediction: Hooligans resting nothing. You can’t spell ‘Turbo’ without ‘bur’… as in buried. Speed is relative… so are expectations. Turbo must earn this and they have never earned anything in fantasy football. 

Nigerian Yaks (5-8) vs HAIRBEAR (5-8)

Someone’s going home sad.

Yaks: Only have a tiebreak vs Shock… and lose every other tie.

HAIRBEAR: beats Yaks & Shock, only loses ties vs Teddy or Balls of Hate if Balls has more points scored.

Prediction: HAIRBEAR claws into Toilet Bowl contention; Yaks go winless in the division and get eliminated from everything.  I blame Hooligans for bailing on helping with the website during the draft.

Bolsheviks (7-6) vs Team Blitz-Craig (10-3)

Bolsheviks bring the hammer, Etienne and Bijan ready to grind. Blitz-Craig? A storm in cleats, Gibbs and Ja’Marr Chase ready to strike.

Playoff spot already clinched for the Bolsheviks.

Team Blitz-Craig locks the bye with any win, tie, or Mad Dogs loss/tie. They want that bye like T**m H**s wants to stand in line on Black Friday for 3 hours to save $20 on something he doesn’t need anyway.

Prediction: This is a playoff preview — and it’s gonna hurt Bolsheviks just like it will if they get far enough to play Blitz-Craig again.  Blitz-Craig isn’t leaving this to chance. Bye secured.

LiQ-ourballs (5-8) vs nWo Wulfpack (6-7)

Loser might fall into chaos.

Wulfpack: Wins solve everything; tiebreaks over Turbo & T**m H**s…

…but loses ties vs LiQ and nWo.

LiQ: Holds a tiebreak over Wulfpack — massive leverage, but loses to everyone else.

Prediction: Hard to lose when your kicker spots you to a 25.6-point lead.  Liq wins and avoids a disastrous season.  They also enter the Toilet Bowl with momentum, which is the saddest sentence ever written.

T**m H**s (5-8) vs Trash Pandas (8-5)

Trash Pandas: Clinched Wild Card — weight off shoulders, but still kinda stink.

T**m H**s: Tiebreak triple crown over Turbo, LiQ, nWo — a win gives them a legitimate postseason path.

Prediction: Trash Pandas, with their bye week depleted roster still beat T**m H**s and their normal week depleted roster.